Understanding the Depth of Pet Grief
Losing a pet can be just as devastating— if not more devastating— as losing a human loved one. But society often fails to recognize the depth of the pain. When I lost Jasper, I was a mess (to put it lightly). At times, I felt as though there was something wrong with me. So, I started doing research. I discovered I was not alone in this feeling.
Pet loss grief is categorized as disenfranchised grief— grief that is unacknowledged or invalidated by societal norms. It means that those of us who are dealing with pet loss feel ashamed, and we’re concerned with being perceived as overly dramatic about how profoundly the loss affects our daily lives. If this sounds familiar, you are in the right place. And I’m here to tell you that you are not dramatic and have absolutely no reason to feel ashamed.
The Profound Bond: Attachment Theory
Attachment theory explains how deep emotional bonds form between individuals and their caregivers. Psychologist John Bowlby developed it, and his framework isn’t just limited to human relations. This theory extends to our pets as well. Pets provide security, unconditional love, emotional stability, and companionship.
When we lose a pet, the attachment bond is severed, triggering a grief response similar to that of losing a close family member or friend. Studies show that the level of attachment to a pet can be as strong—if not stronger—than the attachment we have to other humans. This is because pets depend on us entirely for their care, so our role in their lives deepens the bond, making their absence incredibly painful.
The Unique Emotional Support
Think about every human relationship you have— it can be complex and, at times, conditional. The relationships with our pets are nothing like that. Our pets offer unwavering emotional support; they are our constant companions who provide nonjudgemental love. They greet us with pure joy and excitement and can sense our moods. For many of us, they serve as emotional anchors, reducing anxiety, loneliness, and even symptoms of depression.
Interacting with animals is known to lower cortisol levels and increase oxytocin, the hormone responsible for bonding and emotional well-being. A pet can be a lifeline for those struggling with mental health challenges— a source of unconditional love that provides stability in an unpredictable world.
The Stigmatization of Pet Grief
One of the most difficult aspects of pet grief is how society minimizes its impact. Since pet loss isn’t widely acknowledged as a “real loss,” we often feel pressured to suppress our grief or feel ashamed for feeling it so deeply.
The lack of acknowledgment and recognition can make pet grief even more isolating. Friends, coworkers, and even our family may not understand why you’re struggling. They might offer dismissive remarks like “it was just a pet” or tell you to “just get another one.” But that is not how grief works. Losing a pet means losing your sense of security; it means losing unconditional love and even the loss of your everyday routine.
I will happily admit that much of my life revolved around Jasper. My schedule and routine were built around his, and losing him left a massive gap in my day-to-day life. If you’ve ever felt misunderstood in your grief, know you are not alone. That is why I created this community and platform; Jasper is a space where your emotions are honored, where your loss is validated, and where you never have to feel alone.
Finding Support in Your Grief
Pet grief is real and deserves to be acknowledged and treated with care. If you’re struggling, I highly recommend joining a support group where you’ll meet others who truly understand the depth of your loss. Jasper’s pet loss community offers a safe space to share your story, connect with others, and learn new coping skills.
Something I try to remember— grief is a reflection of the love you shared with your pet and that love deserves to be honored. You don’t have to go through this alone. I hope you join us so we can navigate this grief together.